bills, bills, bills #24

A week in the life and wallet of a theatre leader with two small kids

Bills, Bills, Bills is a monthly series of anonymous money diaries from theatre workers curated and edited by Jenna Clark Embrey.

The full archive is available here. We accept diarist submissions on a rolling basis. 

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Editor’s Note

This month’s money diary is from a parent of small children — our first in a long while. Our columnist summarizes her work situation aptly in this diary: “I don’t make a lot of money, but I have more flexibility than any other working parent that I know.” And while this column features several now-familiar Bills, Bills, Bills elements (everyone is underpaid and working hard and also their parents helped finance at least part of their education), it also made me think about how the tyranny of the school calendar has a secret chokehold on working parents. (I admit this is on my mind because next week is spring break one of two in New York and I have a Wednesday opening night, fun timing.) To say nothing about the actual hours of the school day itself, which starts before 8am and ends by 3pm. Surely those hours must have been dictated by early 20th century farming needs, right?

Yes, this is a money column, not a parenting column. But awareness is helpful to all, so let me take a moment to talk about school calendars. Here are some quick facts, based on my own geographical point of reference: the school year in New York City this year runs from September 7th to June 26th, which encompasses a total of 210 weekdays. Thirty of those weekdays are school closures or holidays (bringing us to the 180 school days required by law). That is six weeks in which there is no easily accessible childcare — and we haven’t even gotten to summer yet! There is no easy solution for this. (The answer is, of course, more federal subsidies for education and childcare, but the joke is on us, because we live in America.) There are a few Band-Aids, however, which start with employers (particularly those in charge of making production calendars) being aware of their local school calendars. Avoiding tech week during spring break won’t always be possible, but it’s good to at least be aware. (And school closures affect audiences, too, of course.) Making remote work as much of an option as possible during school closures helps, too. 

If you’re thinking, hey, having kids is a choice! Deal with it! Cool, call me in thirty years when one of those kids you’re dismissive of is performing your angioplasty. 

Job/Position: I work full-time in the leadership and administration of an ensemble-run theatre company. We are a true ensemble so we don’t have traditional titles, but I am part of a leadership trio that collectively functions like an artistic director or executive director. My role involves a little bit of everything, including admin, marketing, budgeting, fundraising, teaching, and creative work.  

Age: 39

Location: A state capital west of the Mississippi

Children: Two, one elementary school age and one toddler 

Yearly Income: I make $45,000 at my full-time job and will bring in another $1,000 - $7,500 in freelance contracts, depending on the year. I’m married and fully share finances with my partner, who makes $62,000 as a teacher. We technically have separate checking accounts but we honestly don’t really use them anymore. Once we had our second kid, we found that our existence requires both of our paychecks, so everything goes into our joint accounts. 

Debt: My husband and I both paid off our student loans within the last couple of years which is a huge relief. Both of our parents contributed to our college so our loans were definitely not as bad as they could have been. My husband also had a significant portion of his loans forgiven through PSLF. We own our home and have a 30-year mortgage and we do not currently have a car payment. Our current credit card balance is $973.12 and we pay it off every month. Our month-to-month cash isn’t high, but we’re incredibly lucky not to have large amounts of debt drowning us. 

Savings: My husband works for a school district, so he pays into the state retirement system through his paycheck; I don’t know how much is in that account. We also each have a Roth IRA with $27,100 in it that we started after we got married and pay into monthly. We have two kids and have 529 accounts for their college expenses: both started with a $10,000 gift from my grandfather and we currently contribute $100/month.

We used to have an emergency fund but the last two years significantly drained it between two kids in daycare for a year and some unexpected car costs. We’ve been trying to be extra careful in our spending to rebuild it.   

Some things worth noting: I couldn’t work in this job if I wasn’t married to someone who had good health insurance through his job. We pay a lot but our whole family is insured. We are also incredibly lucky that we bought our house when we did. We moved in November 2019 when we could still get a reasonable price ($325,000) for a 3-bedroom house in our city and we have a 2.9% interest rate. We live in a city where housing prices exploded during the pandemic and it’s only gotten worse. If we were trying to buy a house now or renting we would be in a very different financial position.  

Current Cash:

• Joint Checking: $2,695.70

• Joint Savings (for emergencies, unanticipated expenses, future vacations, etc): $2,886.96

• Individual Checking: $327.37 

Monthly Expenses:

• Mortgage (including taxes & insurance): $1,460 

• Childcare (for one kid, my oldest goes to public school and my job is flexible enough that I can pick her up and not pay for after school care): $1,089

• Car Insurance for two cars: $270.51

• Life Insurance for two adults: $153.13  

• Verizon Bill (our plan includes two phone lines, payment plans on two phones, Hulu and Disney + and our internet): $219

• Utilities (Gas, Electric, Water/Sewer/Trash): somewhat seasonal dependent (high air conditioning bill in summer) but averages around $250 for all of it 

• Netflix, Apple TV, HBO: $0. We share passwords with others and we contribute Disney & Hulu, which is paid for in our phone package 

• Spotify Family Plan: $16.28

• Lawn Service: $198. We used to do this ourselves and it was more than we could handle. After we lost a tree and a bunch of bushes we called it quits and hired professionals.

• Monthly Donation to Non-Profits: $25

• Health Insurance: $769.52. This is for me and my two kids and comes out of my husband’s paycheck. His insurance is covered through his job.

• Medication: $13.06 for one prescription. (This is our cost after insurance.)

• Savings Transfer to Roth IRAs: $500 

• Savings Transfer to 529s: $200 

Total: $5,114.50

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Monday 

Our weekday mornings start early. My husband works at a school with an early start, so he’s out the door at 6:20 at the absolute latest. We wake up at 5:45 and I unload the dishwasher, make the bed, and pack lunch for my youngest. (My oldest eats school lunch; all kids get free breakfast and lunch at her public school, which is amazing). I finish at 6:30 at which point my oldest kid is awake. I go wake up my youngest and breastfeed him. By the time I’m done, my husband has left for work so I put on the TV for both kids while they eat cereal bars so I can finish getting ready. I’m working from home for the morning so I don’t have to pack up my stuff thankfully, but I still need to organize kid stuff and eat breakfast myself. I tell the older one to get dressed and brush her teeth and I do the same for the little one and then we’re out the door on time at 7:25!

We walk to my daughter’s kindergarten and then I drive my son to daycare. I leave his daycare at 8:05 and I’m back home at 8:14. I feel like I’ve lived a whole life by this point. When I get home I pour another cup of coffee and take 15 minutes to scroll on my phone before getting organized for the day. 

I’m working from home this morning. Because we’re a small company and I’m one of the leaders I hold a lot of our administrative systems, including budgeting, fundraising, marketing, website, etc. We had an event at a public park over the weekend so I start the morning by entering the emails we gathered into our database and following up with the people we met. I catch up on emails that were sent over the weekend and work on a grant that’s due by the end of the week. 

We have a workshop at a community college starting in the afternoon so around 11:30 I stop by our office (which is only a 10-minute drive from my house) to pick up supplies, and then pick up one of my colleagues and drive to the college. It’s our first workshop so we get there early to make sure we can find and set up the space the way we want it. We have enough time to get coffee and we’re both wanting some energy going into the facilitation so after we set up the room we go to the student union on campus and I buy an iced coffee ($5.68, including a $1 tip). The first workshop goes really well; we have seven students participating and they’re excited about the work together. I drop my colleague off and drive home. There’s a lot more traffic on the way back so I get back to my house at 5:30pm. 

Normally I would have picked up my oldest from school at 2:45, but because we had the workshop I wasn’t able to today. Fortunately my mom was able to do it, so I didn’t have to pay for a babysitter! By the time I get home my husband has already picked up my son from daycare. The kids are watching a show and he’s making dinner. I cuddle with them both on the couch until dinner’s ready. After we eat, we roll into baths and bedtime rituals and both kids are in bed by 8:05. My husband and I catch up for a little bit, and then we both have some work to do so I go into the bedroom (which also serves as my WFH office and he works in the kitchen). We both go to sleep at 10.   

Total Spending: $5.68

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Tuesday

Our morning and school routines are the same every day, so today goes basically the same as yesterday morning-wise! (And they will continue to be, I won’t repeat it every day or this diary would be extremely boring.) I have an 8:30 Zoom meeting so I have a little more pressure to get myself home and working quickly. Tuesday is a full work from home day for me most weeks. I’m in Zoom meetings nonstop until 12, when I stop for lunch (leftovers from last night). I spend the next couple hours getting caught up on some administrative tasks that I’ve gotten behind on.  

At 2:30 I stop what I’m doing to go pick up my daughter from kindergarten. I don’t make a lot of money at my job, but I have more flexibility than pretty much any other working parent I know, which I definitely try to remember/appreciate. We live within walking distance from the school, so I listen to a podcast while I walk to pick her up and then we chat about our days on the walk back. I get her a snack and she plays while I get back to work. My husband gets home with our youngest around 5 and I stop work for the night. We play outside for awhile and then make a quick dinner for the kids. The oldest has soccer practice at a nearby park so we get her into her gear. I take her to soccer while my husband does bedtime with the little one. We do a quick shower and bedtime routine for her when we get home and then we make a frozen pizza for ourselves and eat it while watching a basketball game on TV and chatting. 

 Total: $0 

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Wednesday 

After school drop-off I realize my gas tank is dangerously low so I stop and fill it up ($55.88). I also stop at Whole Foods to do an Amazon return for some kids’ clothes that weren’t sized right (refund of $31.71) and to buy some bread for the soup we’re having for dinner. I also impulse buy some cookies that are very cute even though they are overpriced because I know my kids will like them ($13.56). I work from home for the morning, finishing and submitting a grant. Around 10:30 I get a phone call from a new partner we’ve been starting to relationship build with. We talk for about 40 minutes about a project we’re thinking about for next year and some shorter term projects. She has some grant funds for a contract for us that starts this weekend, so I confirm that I can be there and we make plans for Saturday. 

On Wednesdays school has early release and my mom does school pickup for me. She gets to my house around 12 and we chat for about 30 minutes while I pre-chop vegetables for dinner, then we both head out — her to school and me to go teach the second session of the workshop series we started Monday. 

We need some string or ribbon for our workshop at the community college this afternoon. I couldn’t find anything long enough in our office so I stop at CVS and pick some up on the way. Yes, this is absolutely something I should have used a company card to purchase, but we’re also in a constant state of budget struggles there so….I spend my own money. ($3.19)

The workshop goes really well! We have a strong return from the students who joined us on the first day and we do some really meaningful work. Ultimately we’ll be devising something together, but we’re still in the community and trust building stage. It’s surrounding a heavy topic, so it does get emotional, so we make sure to stay in the space for an extra half hour in case anybody wants to check in with us, and so that we can plan for next week. It takes me awhile to get home in rush hour traffic and when I get back my husband and kids are already home. I put the vegetables I chopped earlier into a pot and make lentil soup. It’s easy, cheap and everyone eats it. Dishes get washed, baths and bedtimes for kids takes us to 8:15. The toddler isn’t feeling it and ends up in our bed with my husband, who falls asleep trying to get him to sleep while I open up my computer again to write up a facilitation plan for Saturday and send it to the partner, then do some website updates and schedule social media and e-blasts that need to go out over the next couple of days. At 10:30 I head to our bed, see that everyone is sleeping, put the toddler back in his crib and go to sleep.  

Total: $40.92

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Thursday

Today I’m attending a day-long training workshop for community leaders. I’m pretty sure I’m going to be the only person there from the arts sector and one of the younger people in the room. (Yes, I am almost 40. Yes, I will be a decade younger than the next youngest person at this event.) I want to look polished — even though my usual work attire is extremely casual.

It also means I have to leave straight from daycare drop-off instead of coming home first so I not only have to spend time on clothing, hair and makeup for myself, I have to have all my belongings in the car and ready to go when I leave with the kids. What this means in practice is I end up frantically shoving sweatshirts on kids five minutes after we were supposed to leave the house and forget to brush their teeth. We hustle but we’re late and I have to sign my daughter in through the office instead of just dropping her at the gate. She especially hates this kind of disruption in routine, so everybody feels pretty bad by the time we leave.

Second drop-off goes more smoothly and I’m in the car driving to this event with plenty of time. I get my cup of coffee and bagel and make small talk with some of the people I recognize from other events or community gatherings. When I go to this kind of event I’m paying attention with multiple focuses — How can I advocate for integrating arts programming in community spaces and in the work of these leaders? Are there people here we might want to initiate partnerships with? And are there resourced folks here I might be able to start to cultivate donor relationships with? The facilitator for the event is surprisingly excellent and I end up really enjoying the training piece of it. 

Lunch is provided and I exchange several business cards. The training ends at 2pm and it’s on the other side of town from me, so I’m worried for a minute that we’ll have two late incidents in one day but I make it on time. Kid requests popcorn and a movie before her brother gets home, so I make the popcorn and give her free reign of Disney + while I get back to my computer and catch up on emails and Discord messages that I missed during the training. There’s another grant due soon so I switch over to working on that and I get about halfway through the questions before the rest of my family gets home. 

Dinner tonight is the leftovers of the lentil soup we made yesterday so we don’t have to prepare anything. We eat dinner and then I have to leave again — we closed a play two weeks ago and one of our company rituals is to hold an ensemble reflection session using Liz Lerman’s Critical Response Process after everything wraps. The directors asked me to facilitate this session. I love this process and hearing about people’s experiences so I’m looking forward to it. It goes really well — my colleagues and I wait to make sure everyone has a ride home, debrief and gossip a little in the parking lot, and then I drive home. I had originally imagined finishing that grant proposal, but by the time I get home I’m way too tired.

(checking my bank account, both my water/sewer/trash bill and gas bill came out of my bank via auto pay today., $106.50 and $46.09, respectively.

Total: $152.59 

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Friday 

Normally on Fridays we’re in the office all day, with a deep dive all-staff meeting taking up most of the afternoon. But my son’s daycare is closed for a holiday so I took a vacation day. My husband and I generally trade off who takes days for stuff like this based on schedule and since his school is in state testing it made more sense for me to take the day. We spend so much on daycare that I can’t justify paying a babysitter for extra days unless I really have to. Plus I don’t get as much solo time with my youngest, so it’s fun to have some time for just the two of us.

We drop off my daughter and then go to the park. While we’re there we run into a friend and former coworker who is there with her two kids and the five of us decide to walk to a nearby coffee shop that opened recently. I buy a fancy latte for myself and a blueberry muffin for my son. ($11.62, including a tip). After that we have to go to Target — we’re almost out of diapers and there’s a few other things we need. I buy two giant packs of diapers instead of just one because there’s a Target Circle deal for a $10 gift card when you buy two. Normally I try not to be susceptible to those kinds of deals since they just make you spend more than you normally would but diapers are an exception — I know we’ll use them, we’ll keep needing them, and they don’t go bad. We get another couple of things I know we need or will need soon — toilet paper, Ziploc bags, and face moisturizer. I also need a birthday present for my niece, who’s about to turn four, so we swing by the toy aisle and pick out a couple of Frozen items. Total is an alarming $167.73 (though I also get that $10 gift card when I check out).  

I did not finish that grant last night though, so when I put my son down for a nap I finish my draft and send it off to my colleagues and our program partner for review. I’m not used to having the baby home in the middle of the day and at 2:40 I realize I have to wake him up now if we’re going to get his sister on time. With some help from a fruit snacks bribe we make it in time.

A grad school friend is visiting from out of town with her family so we meet up with them and some other grad school friends and their kids at a park. It’s really fun to catch up — we haven’t seen each other since before the pandemic and honestly it’s been awhile since I’ve seen the other local friends too. My husband joins us after work and fills up his gas tank on the way ($56.81). We make more plans for the weekend since they aren’t leaving until Sunday night and we all head home. By the time I get back I have feedback on the grant so I make the requested changes and hit submit while my husband gives the kids a quick dinner and starts the bath. After they are in their beds (not asleep, but in their beds at least), the two of us have dinner and a drink together and try to stay awake as long as possible, which turns out to be 9:30pm.  

Total: $236.16

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Saturday

The call time for the storytelling workshop I agreed to earlier in the week is 7:30am, so I wake up to an alarm at 6:30am and I can hear my son chatting to himself in his crib. I grab a cup of coffee and go in to feed him. By the time I’m done my daughter is up too, so I get her breakfast and get dressed. At 7:10am I wake up my husband and let him know I have to head out. The workshop is at a gallery space downtown and there’s only metered parking, which starts at 8am, so I have to pay for an hour ($1.25). The facilitation goes really well and I leave at 9am feeling excited about this new partnership. 

Since that’s the only work event I have for today I go home and my family and I go to the zoo with the same friends we saw last night. We have a membership (my mom gifts it to us for Christmas every year) and when it’s nice out we go all the time. All four of us love it and it’s probably the easiest way for us to spend a weekend morning. We pack a picnic lunch so we can stay longer without any of us getting hungry and grumpy and we don’t have to spend money on food at zoo prices. The weather is beautiful and we’re having a great time so we don’t leave until 1:30pm. Since this is pushing our nap window we work really hard to keep the toddler awake on the drive home and we’re actually successful!

We get home and put him down for a nap and put on a movie for our oldest so the adults can get a small amount of things done. I make our grocery list for the week and put in a pickup order. We started doing our grocery shopping though order pickup during the pandemic and never looked back — it saves time in the store and I think we save money by planning out what we need/not impulse purchasing. Total for a week of groceries is still $144.97, which feels like a huge amount, but is pretty typical for us on a normal week. 

When the little one wakes up he’s grumpy so we snuggle up and I ply him with snacks until he’s feeling better. Then we play outside and grill hot dogs for dinner. Everybody stays up a little later and we open a bottle of wine after the kids are sleeping and hang out until almost 11pm — late for us at this point in our lives. 

Total: $146.22

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Sunday 

It’s pouring rain when we wake up and the kindergartner decides we should make muffins. We have bananas that are on their last legs so we all agree it’s a good plan. We’re out of chocolate chips which feel important so my husband and daughter put on rain coats and walk up to the grocery store to get some ($4.35). We make muffins and play music with rain coming down and it’s very cozy and nice. I work a lot but I’m super precious about Sundays as no work days whenever possible, so I resist the temptation to open my laptop. 

After our breakfast we slowly get everybody dressed and ready to go. My mom and stepdad live about 45 minutes away and we have plans to go to their house for lunch and an Easter egg hunt. Everyone has a great time and my mom went way overboard on filling baskets for them, so they are both thrilled. We stay through the mid afternoon and come home to get ready for the week. We order pizza and salad for dinner ($50.15), and try to get our dishes/laundry/school lunches/housecleaning at least a little bit under control. After baths and pajamas we watch three episodes of Bluey before kid bedtimes and then we relax on the couch to get ready for the week ahead. 

Total: $54.50

Total For the Week: $636.07